Singles are going old school: swapping apps for real-life dating

Many singles currently navigating the dating landscape are voicing their dissatisfaction with using apps like Hinge, Tinder and Bumble to find their love connection.
According to Singles Report, almost 80% of singles say they experience some degree of emotional fatigue or burnout when dating online.
“What’s different for dating in this moment is that the sheer volume of rejection and disappointment is so much higher for daters than it has been in previous generations,” Myisha Battle, a relationship expert, told “Nightline.” “Without the success of feeling like you’ve met somebody that you even like and want to spend time with, let alone a relationship.”
That’s why more and more people are choosing to find love in person. Singles and dating events are experiencing an increase in attendance, including the resurgence of speed-dating events, according to Eventbrite.
Relationship experts, like Battle, say these in real-life (IRL) events speak to our craving for something that was once commonplace.
“We are really lacking in third spaces – I’m thinking about cafes, music stores, bookstores, those spaces where people used to kind of organically hang out,” Battle said. “So we are robbed right now of a lot of in-person opportunities.”
In the absence of those organic, in-person opportunities, some are turning to even more old-school ways of finding love.
Shows like “Indian Matchmaking,” and “Jewish Matchmaking,” are reflecting a renaissance in the ancient art of pairing couples for life.
People like Aleeza Ben Shalom, a professional shadchan/matchmaker, have helped singles find their person, as chronicled in her hit Netflix show “Jewish Matchmaking,” which draws from her religious and cultural roots. She says she has helped more than 200 couples get married.
“A matchmaker really has three jobs. The first job is to be an introducer and put people together,” Shalom said. “The second job is to be a coach, walk the walk and talk the talk and help them through the process. The third job is to be a closer. A closer is the person that says, no, you’re going to get married. This is good. You got this. This is a good relationship. Or, I know you might love him, but it’s never going to work. You need to break up.”
Since the show’s success, Shalom has been traveling the world, hosting live matchmaking shows.
Shalom’s matchmaking peers attend conferences like the Global Love Institute to learn how to perfect their craft. At the New York City conference this year, more than 100 matchmakers were eager to learn how to assist clients in finding their perfect match.
“One of the things that’s different between matchmakers today and matchmakers a long time ago is that matchmakers today know the science of relationships,” author Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, said. “And they know what’s important to long-term, happy relationships.”
A long-term relationship is what 28-year-old Jada Harmon has been searching for in a special person over the past year. She recently switched up her dating strategy by leaning into in-person events.
“I am in a space where I feel more ready now, more than ever to make time for a long-term relationship,” Harmon said. “I love someone who is ambitious, has goals for themselves and hobbies.”
Harmon is currently on a break from dating apps and is prioritizing in-person connections, just meeting people by chance. As singles like Harmon continue their search for love in real life, the major dating apps are experimenting with artificial intelligence.
Earlier this year, Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe Herd made headlines for talking about the possibility of AI’s role in the matchmaking process saying “There is a world where your dating concierge could go and date for you with other dating concierge. And then you don’t have to talk to 600 people. […] And say these are the three people you really ought to meet. That’s the power of AI.”
Meanwhile relationship experts are skeptical for now.
“No robot is going to be able to tell me who I’m attracted to,” said Battle. “There’s absolutely no way that they’re going to know whether I like that person’s smell, there’s no way that they’re going to know if I like that person’s brain, there’s no way that I’m willing to that they’re going to be able to predict whether or not that’s going to be a lasting connection for me.”
Whether it’s working with a matchmaker, going to that speed-dating event, or giving the apps one last try, experts say there’s something to be gained in the journey, not just the destination.
“Rather than dating with this goal of like, ‘I have to find a partner, I have to have a partner,’ it might be better to have a goal of ‘I want to have experiences with people so I understand who’s a good fit for me,'” Battle said. “So dating can be this process of self discovery as well.”